The following 7 signs have been complied by years of working with couples on the brink of divorce. Each of these signs is a clear marker that your relationship is headed in the wrong direction. If no action is taken to reverse course, divorce could be looming.
1. Lack of Respect
Couples in distress tend to forget how to be respectful to their partner. They call each other names, slap harmful labels on each other, and take liberties with their partner that are very hurtful. Respecting your partner is critical to your relationship’s success. Think if it this way, if you are treating your business associates better than your partner, you need to add respect.
2. Needing to Be Right
Have you become locked in arguments where you each feel justified in your perspectives? Neither one of you is willing to give an inch, because you are right, and your partner is wrong. Needing to be right is extremely harmful as it stands in the way of understanding, empathy, and connection. Who is right and who is wrong? The relational answer is Who Cares!!
3. Seeking to Control
Attempting to change your partner or their behavior is always a losing strategy. If you seek to control directly or indirectly, you may win the battle, but lose the war. None of us like to be told what to do, and even if the controlling partner gets what they want, the price paid is resentment and martyrdom. There are much better ways to get more of what you want than seeking to control.
4. Misplaced Priorities
What sits atop your current list of priorities? Chances are it’s not your partner or your relationship. Allowing other areas of life to take priority over the strength of your relationship can be the start of a slippery slope to divorce. We pour our energy into work, the kids, the house, family, friends, chores, and hobbies and give our partner the leftover scraps of time and energy. Make sure you take a close look at your current priorities and reposition your relationship and partner where they belong, at the top!
5. Withdrawal
Few things are more harmful to a relationship than withdrawal from your partner. When you withdraw you send the message that you don’t care enough about your partner or the relationship to remain engaged. When your partner feels you don’t care, they quickly lose interest and divorce is looming. If you feel the need to take some time or get some space from your partner, let them know. Be honest about your feelings/needs and reassure them you will reengage when ready.
6. Lack of Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is the root cause of almost all issues that distressed couples report. Are you able to be truly open and honest with your partner about your thoughts, feelings, and needs? If not, the lack of emotional intimacy is lacking and must be addressed.
Most men have no clue how to be emotionally intimate with their female partners. It’s not their fault as most men are raised to avoid emotions, openness, and vulnerability. The problem is that true intimacy is predicated on both partners being open and vulnerable with each other. No emotional intimacy equals no connection, and that often leads to divorce.
7. Feelings of Inequality
Many distressed couples show signs of at least one partner feeling unequal to the other. One partner often holds privilege over the other as in “I can do what I want, and you just have to deal with it.” You can imagine this is not a good place to be for the partner that feels “less than” the other. Connection can only happen when both partners are able to remain on the same level and see each other eye to eye. No partner is better than or less than the other, they must be seen and treated as equals.
The Takeaway
How many of the above failed strategies do you find in your current relationship? If you notice more than 1 or 2 of the above strategies being used on a regular basis, it’s time to get professional help. If you were able to stop these harmful strategies on your own, you probably would have done it by now.
For help with your relationship please call Douglas Counseling at (561) 207-1903 and visit us online at www.DouglasCounseling.com.
