- By: Greg Douglas, LMHC
Are you happily married or just trying to survive each day? Do you wonder if your partner honestly wants the same type of relationship you do? In the following article I will give helpful suggestions and directions so you can take stock of your current relationship and make important decisions about moving forward. You can then decide if you are happy just surviving or make the push to thrive!
What’s Your Goal?
Each relationship is different and before you decide which category yours fits into you first have gain clarity on your goals. Do you need a deeply connected partner to offer ongoing emotional support? Maybe you simply want someone to come home to that provides stability and consistency in your life? Either is fine and there are no wrong answers in terms of what it is you want.
Once you know more about your goals, make sure to ask your partner what his goals are. You may find that your visions for a relationship match up more closely than you think. You may also find that your expectations are very different. Many partners want different things out of their relationship, this is completely normal. The question is not whether you have the same goals for your relationship, the question is, “are you each willing to give the other enough of what they need to be happy together?”
Once you have answered the questions of what you want (and what your partner wants), the next question then becomes: “Am I getting enough of what I need?”
Am I Getting Enough of what I Need?
So, now that you know what you are looking for in a relationship ask yourself the following:
“Are the majority of my needs within the relationship being met?”
If you are reading this article chances are, they are not. You must then honestly assess the state of your relationship. Can you truly say that you are happy, or are you turning a blind eye to the missing pieces because thinking about the reality is too painful?
Are We Just Roommates?
Many of the couples in my practice report they have been missing important pieces in their relationships for years and are only now trying to rectify the issues. I implore each of you reading to take action sooner rather than later. Once you have resigned yourself to surviving in a sub-standard relationship for many years, you become numb to what you actually need and just go about your business living a parallel life.
You can easily become what many of my clients report they are, “roommates.”
Can We Do Better?
The answer is almost always a resounding maybe. You and your partner’s ability to make changes and develop a relationship that is thriving depends on many factors.
- Are you each willing to speak openly and honestly about your ongoing needs, wants and desires?
- Are you both willing to be flexible enough to meet each other where you are needed and show up in ways you previously have not?
- And perhaps the most important question: How motivated are you to make changes and what are you willing to do to help meet your partner’s needs?
Get the Help You Need
If your relationship is closer to surviving than thriving, I would advise you to seek professional guidance. Although many take the stance that they can change things on their own, few actually accomplish lasting change without professional intervention. Think of it this way, if you could have changed things on your own, you already would have. Don’t let you or your partner’s pride get in the way of you having a thriving relationship. If you feel you need help you probably do.
If you would like to turn your relationship into one that thrives or would like more information on working with me, please give Douglas Counseling a call at (561) 207-1903 and visit our website at www.DouglasCounseling.com.
