By: Greg Douglas, LMHC
What does “Providing” for your family mean to you?
The last 30-40 years has brought on a real shift in women’s expectations for their partner. No longer are women content to kiss their husbands on the way out the door at 7am expecting no further contribution from them the rest of the day. Women now want their partner to be an integral part of family life in ways past generations of men were not.
I also see a shift in men having different expectations in terms of what they believe their role should be in the family. Men nowadays make much more of an effort to spend time with their kids and even forgo opportunities at work to be more of a presence at home. This is a good start, but we need to go further!
The Cost
The issue for many men is they have yet to see real value in what they provide for their partners and children outside of the financial realm.
One of my clients recently said, “I’m doing my best to spend time with my kids, but it’s hard to be present when I know how much I’m missing at work.” This is the real cost for most men. If you take away time and energy from one area to give to another, there is a sense of feeling like you are failing. For decades men have been groomed to see their primary role as a financial provider for their family. Asking men to see this differently is a tough proposition.
The Confusion
For most men the sentiment goes like this: “If I am providing a great life for you and the kids, how can you possibly be upset with me?”
For women the sentiment goes: “You may be a great provider for me and the kids, but we need you to be present with us, connected with us, and engaged in our daily lives!”
You can see how these differing perspectives would bring on confusion. The crux of the issue lies in how men see their role.
Are men meant to be more than a paycheck? How can men set aside a worldview that has defined their fathers and grandfathers and generations before them?
The Shift
I would like to offer men a new perspective on what “providing” means. Providing for your family in 2019 incorporates (but is not limited to) the following:
- Provider of emotional support – to your partner and children
- Provider of safety – physical and emotional
- Provider of self-worth – spending time with your kids shows them how important they are to you and they will then see themselves in the same light
- Provider of love – unconditional positive regard and acceptance
- Provider of respect – modeling respectful living to others
- Provider of help – helping your spouse around and in the home
- Provider of connection – for your partner to not feel alone
- Provider of resources – your financial contribution
Men, if you are providing any of the above benefits to your family YOU ARE PROVIDING!!
While the way to are providing might be different that your father, you are giving a great gift to your family.
We as a society must shift to see the importance of the areas of emotional support, self-worth, and mutual respect. By providing our families with these needed resources we are doing so much more than simply putting food on the table.
Our role is no longer exclusively outside the home, and the sooner we can come to grips with this idea, the stronger our families will be.
More Info
If you have a man in your life that needs help in seeing the benefit of re-defining what providing means to him, please reach out for help. Douglas Counseling specializes in helping men to live more connected and relational lives. Please give us a call at (561) 207-1903 or visit us online at www.DouglasCounseling.com.
