By: Greg Douglas, LMHC
Have you convinced yourself you know everything there is to know about your partner?
You tell yourself you have been together for quite a while and start to see your partner as a “known entity.” You begin to believe you have nothing to talk about because you have already talked about everything under the sun.
Think Again
The main pitfall that comes with believing you know everything there is to know about your partner is that you stop asking questions. Since you think you know almost everything about them, you don’t see the point in asking questions or opening up a dialogue. The more you think you know, the less you attempt to engage. The less you attempt to engage, the more distant your relationship becomes. Don’t let this happen to you!
No doubt you have talked a lot with your partner and you probably do know quite a bit about them, their thoughts, and their feelings. Even if that’s true, I’ll bet there’s still a lot you don’t know about (and that’s a good thing)!
See Your Partner with New Eyes
Sometimes we all need to remember that our partner is not just our spouse, but rather a completely separate being who is ever changing and evolving. Our partner has a unique worldview and their own perceptions just waiting to be explored.
Take the time and make the effort to see your partner with fresh new eyes and open up conversations that can pull you closer and provide a renewed sense of freshness.
I’ll Help You Get Started!
We all need a little help from time to time opening a dialogue that feels fresh and brings us together. Ready to learn more about your partner and clue them in on how you feel? Finish the following sentence stems and questions with your partner.
Sentence Stems: (for those of you ready to start the conversation)
I feel the best about our relationship when…
I feel the most love towards you when…
I feel the most connected to you when…
I feel the most desired by you when…
I feel the most vulnerable in our relationship when…
The things I fear most about our relationship are…
The things I am most excited about in our relationship are…
The things I value the most in our relationship are…
The things I am most worried about outside of our relationship are…
The things I often avoid talking about are…
The things I would like to hear more from you are…
Questions: (for those of you looking to learn more about your partner)
If you could change one thing about my behavior, what would it be?
What are you most excited about as you look to our future?
What are you most fearful about as you look to our future?
What has changed in our relationship over time that you are happy about?
What has changed in our relationship over time that you wish would return to the way it was when we met?
What are our strengths as a couple?
How do you feel about your role as a partner/parent/sibling/etc.?
If you could change our routine as a couple, what would you do differently?
What would you change about the current direction of our relationship?
Keep the Conversation Going
These sentence stems and questions are just the tip of the iceberg. Work on creating your own questions to keep your conversations going and your relationship fresh. The possibilities are truly endless!
Douglas Counseling specializes in helping individuals and couples rebuild their relationships into satisfying partnerships. If your relationship has felt a stagnant and you would like help seeing your partner through new eyes, please call Douglas Counseling at (561) 207-1903 and visit us online at www.DouglasCounseling.com.
