Couples Counseling & Marriage Therapy in Lake Oswego Oregon

Ready to Re-Discover Your Relationship?

At Douglas Counseling of Lake Oswego, OR we believe the quality of your relationships determine the quality of your life. Whether you are dating, married, or in a committed relationship of any kind, the health of your relationship matters. You may see us use the terms couples counseling and marriage counseling interchangeably because the practice of both is so intertwined.

Relationships are inherently challenging and all couples face problems on a consistent basis.

Common relationships problems that we deal with in couples counseling include:

• Poor communication
• Emotionally disconnected
• Physically disconnected
• Dealing with conflict
• Healing from betrayals
• Managing parenting styles
• Making big life decisions

Building the foundations for a healthy relationship lies at the heart of couples counseling. We believe that a healthy relationship includes the ability to communicate effectively, resolve conflict, and repair disconnection. We strive to help couples learn a new and effective process for taking on conflict and dealing with virtually any problems that arise.

Once couples have a solid process in place for sharing their thoughts, voicing their feelings, and communicating their needs the couple is on their way to a better bond.

Couples and Marriage counseling works to help Oregon couples improve their relationships in many ways. Here are some of the benefits of attending counseling:

• Increased understanding of your partner’s experience and needs
• New ways of viewing old problems
• Gaining skills to communicate more effectively
• Learning strategies to reduce conflict and build empathy and understanding
• Learn methods for giving feedback and asking for change
• Building new patterns to foster connection and closeness
• Gaining confidence, self-awareness and increasing trust in your partner
• Build a healthy self-esteem
• Creating healthy boundaries

Give Us a Call to Talk…

Whether you are in the Lake Oswego area or residing elsewhere in Oregon, we are able to help you with both in-person and online couples counseling options.

Reach today to set up your free consultation. Please call (503) 388-6611 or get in touch online here.  Accepting new clients.

It’s Time for Couples Counseling When…

Many couples think about attending therapy but aren’t sure when to get started. If you are dealing with any of the signs listed below it might be time to start couples counseling.

• Communicating with your partner has become difficult and doesn’t lead to resolution
• Important needs are going unmet
• You’ve tried everything you can think of, but nothing has worked
• You feel stuck in a pattern with your partner and neither of you is budging
• You’ve voiced concerns consistently, but nothing has changed
• You’re afraid that talking to you partner will only lead to conflict
• You don’t feel heard or acknowledged
• You feel alone in your relationship
• Your relationship lacks connection, closeness, affection, physical touch, and sex
• Your feelings about the relationship are starting to impact other areas of life like kids, work, and social gatherings
• You feel your frustration with your partner growing
• You have ideas about what the problems are but lack clarity on solutions to solve them
• You notice that your kids are being impacted by conflict or distance in your relationship
• You and your partner turn on each other and things are getting tense
• Each partner is more and more defensive
• You or your partner is withdrawing and avoiding
• You lack trust in your partner
• You have experienced betrayal
• You are dealing with a large change in your life and aren’t sure how to move forward

Our Couples Counseling Services: In-Person or Virtual

Douglas Counseling offers couples counseling for all types of relationships dealing with a wide variety of needs. We offer counseling to deal with communication, infidelity, lack of connection, parenting and other common concerns.  

Services We Offer

For Couples (not married), Married Couples

Douglas Counseling works with couples both married and unmarried. We specialize in couples counseling and have helped thousands of couples improve their relationships.

In Person Therapy

We have the option to meet for couples counseling in our office located in Lake Oswego, OR. Many couples prefer meeting in person and find they gain more benefit from the more personal experience of sitting in the office with their therapist.

Online Therapy

We also provide the option to meet online. This option often makes counseling more accessible for those who live farther away or who want the convenience of attending counseling without the commute.

Douglas Counseling – Our Experience

Our couples counselors have extensive experience in working with relationships and have seen thousands of clients over the years. Some have as many as 15 years of experience working with couples. Our counselors have licenses including Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Professional Counselor, and Licensed Mental Health Counselor. They have also completed extensive advanced training in many modalities including:

• RLT (Relational Life Therapy)
• EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy)
• Gottman Method
• Discernment Counseling
• CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy)

Greg Douglas, LPC, LMHC

Greg has been working with couples for over 10 years and has helped thousands of couples improve their relationships. Greg has his master’s degree in Mental Health Counseling and holds counseling licenses in multiple states. Greg works exclusively in the area of relationships and has completed many advanced trainings in couples counseling specific modalities. Greg strives to teach couples how to live a more relational life and believes in teaching specific skills and strategies to the couples he works with. Greg has developed a specialty in working with couples healing from infidelity and has helped many clients recover their relationships after betrayals.

Brooke Stafford, LMFT

Brooke has extensive experience working with couples and relationships. Brooke received her bachelor’s  degree in in Human Development and Child Welfare from Portland State University. Brook also holds a Master’s degree in Marriage, Couple, and Family Therapy from Lewis and Clark Graduate School of Education and Counseling.

Brooke uses Family Systems Theory to help couples recognize how they impact each other in their relational system. Brooke also draws from other modalities of therapy including Cognitive Behavioral, Solution Focused, and Structural-Strategic Therapy.

If you are ready to rediscover your relationship, contact us today to set up your free consultation. Please call (503) 388-6611 or get in touch online here.  Accepting new clients.

Our Approach to Couples Counseling in Oregon

At Douglas Counseling we believe that all couples in Oregon and beyond have the opportunity for a better relationship. Our couples counseling starts with an understanding of the current issues a couple faces as well as what they would like to accomplish through counseling. We then gain an in-depth understanding of how the couple relates to each other and acknowledge current patterns and stances in place that keep the couple from moving forward. We follow by working to help the couple exit these old harmful patterns and create new and healthier ways of relating. One of the keys to our philosophy is the hope that each couple gains a successful process for dealing with everyday issues.

What You Can Expect During Relationship Therapy

The process of relationship counseling works in a similar order no matter which modality your therapist is using. You start the process by giving your therapist background information about yourself and your relationship. The next step is to identify what you have been struggling with as your therapist asks questions to learn more about the relational pattern. Your therapist will be tracking how each of the partners contributes to the pattern and will give you this feedback. The next step is learning about mindsets, skills, and methods to employ that can help you make changes. Developing a sound method for relating and dealing with issues will be the central focus in the later stages of your therapy journey.

How Couples Counseling Works (The 3 Phases)

Phase 1:

• Understanding your pattern
• Recognizing your stance/waking up to reality
• Making individual change

Couples counseling starts by identifying the current pattern that keeps change from happening. Couples begin by learning about moves that each partner is making that only further them feeling stuck. Each partner gains this valuable insight and then takes ownership of their part.

Once your couples counselor has identified your pattern, they will help each partner understand how their “individual stance” factors in.  Couples are almost always stuck because they are focused on defending/protecting themselves and are rarely open to listening and truly understanding their partner’s concern.  Couples counseling will help each partner understand why they are defending themselves so staunchly. Your counselor will help you identify whether there are individual issues, relational issues, or both.

Your couples counselor will then help each partner learn about new ways of making changes to the harmful individual stances that prevent progress. You may learn that your way of protecting yourself has been in place for decades, but you are just now seeing the negative impact. As each partner recognizes their contribution and commits to making changes the second phase begins.

Phase 2:

• Skill building
• Reworking communication

The second phase of couples counseling focuses on each partner building skills to allow for new actions. Important areas such as boundaries, self-esteem, power dynamics, empathy, and emotional intelligence are addressed. Each partner will be given specific interventions to work through that shifts their individual stance and begins to allow for a new way of relating.

This skill building phase includes couples learning how to frame their own experiences, speak and listen from new places, and give feedback constructively. Now that each partner is much more open to making changes, reworking the communication is possible.

Phase 3:

• Applying new skills to old issues
• Feeling confident in a new process

The last phase of couples therapy starts with making sure couples are now able to apply their learnings and skills to deal with old issues. Your therapist will help you work through difficult areas and conversations that have historically caused conflict or not been resolved. This is where the couple puts their new stances, skills, and teachings into action.

You will know that your couples counseling has worked when you begin to feel confident in your abilities to deal with issues on your own. You are using your new process of dealing with disconnection or disagreement successfully and building momentum in a positive direction. The goal for many couples is to feel solid about using a new process that allows them to get their needs met and feel close and connected to their partner.

Client Reviews and Success Stories of Oregon Couples

Patricia and Mel:

Patricia and Mel came to counseling to work on improving their communication skills as neither partner was happy with the status quo. Patricia was tired of making the attempt to connect with Mel and both partners felt frustrated.

Counseling helped this couple to understand the missing pieces of their relationship that kept them stuck. Mel learned that Patricia really felt alone and just wanted “a real partner to share my life with.” Mel was surprised as he thought that Patricia was just “on my case because I was screwing something up.” Couples counseling seeks to help partners understand what each really wants and gives them strategies to more effectively get their needs met.

Towards the end of their couples work, the partners had this to share: Mel said, “changing the way I looked at Patricia’s comments towards me was key.” “All along I thought she saw me as not a capable husband, but the truth was she really valued our relationship.” “Looking at things differently really changed the dynamic with us.” Patricia had this to say: “I’m so happy we gave couples counseling a shot.” “Learning about new ways to express ourselves has made those tough conversations approachable.”

This couple started counseling with a solid foundation but needed some targeted help to get unstuck and connect again. At Douglas Counseling we love working with couples like Patricia and Mel who leave our practice in a much more loving and healthy place.

Robert and Leila:

Robert and Leila had been looking for a couples counselor for several weeks before finding us. This couple was struggling to move forward after the recent discovery of an emotional affair. The couple set goals for counseling including working to understand the recent betrayal, starting the process of building trust, and making the decision about whether they would stay together.

Leila stated, “I was so hurt finding out what had happened I didn’t know how to cope and life has felt like a roller coaster for weeks.” This couple’s therapist helped both partners to learn how to make sense of and deal with difficult emotions. Once their reactions were calmed down, they started the process of uncovering why the emotional affair happened.

Robert noted, “I wasn’t sure what to say to Leila.” “She had so many questions and I felt helpless to give her meaningful answers.” “Our couples counselor helped me understand why I made those decisions that hurt my relationship.” Gaining insight and making sense of why betrayals take place is one of the key pieces in couples recovering. “I don’t think I would have ever been able to answer these questions on my own and really needed outside guidance to make it through this tough time.”

Couples like Robert and Leila often benefit so much from couples therapy. At the end of therapy they had reached their goals and made the decision to stay together. Both partners said they now see their relationship as a new beginning and look forward to building a better bond for years to come.

If you’d like to schedule an appointment or learn more about how working with a couples counseling therapist could help you, please give us a call. You can reach Douglas Counseling at (503) 388-6611 or send us an email at office@douglascounseling.com.

Areas Served

Douglas Counseling serves clients throughout Oregon through in-person and virtual therapy with offices in Lake Oswego, OR.

Contact Douglas Counseling – Lake Oswego Office Location

FAQS

Can counseling save a marriage?

Yes, counseling can save a marriage. Couples who are motivated to save their marriage and follow the guidance of their couples counselor often reach their goals and build healthier and happier marriages.

What type of therapist is best for marriage counseling?

The best fit for marriage counseling is a therapist who has extensive experience working with couples. Our therapists have many years of experience working with couples and have advanced training in many couples counseling specific techniques.

How much does couples and marriage counseling cost?

The cost of your counseling depends on the therapist you work with. All of our therapists are licensed and trained in couples and marriage counseling. Our current fees are between $180 and $225 per session.

Do you offer online therapy for couples?

Yes! We offer online therapy for all couples living in Oregon. Online therapy is often a good option if you live far away from our office or if you’d like to save time on your commute.

Do you require seeing both individuals at the same time?

Our therapists work mostly with both couples present, yet there are many times the therapist may request to work with one member of a couple individually. This will be based on your therapist’s judgement and chosen method of couples counseling.

How long will therapy last?

A “normal” course of therapy lasts between 10-14 sessions. When couples commit to this duration of counseling they can expect optimal outcomes.

Common Concerns and Myths about Couples Counseling:

“Won’t couples counseling only cause us to fight more?”

No, couples counseling is aimed at providing new strategies to avoid and better deal with conflict. Your counseling sessions will take place in a controlled environment and your therapist will often intervene and keep the session on track to avoid any damage taking place. Your therapist will also make sure to help you feel confident about managing conflict between sessions.

“Isn’t couples counseling only for couples who are on the verge of breaking up?”

No, couples counseling can benefit a wide variety of couples. From those just wanting to work on “fine tuning” their communication all the way to couples close to ending their relationship. Often the couples that benefit most from couples therapy are those who have a solid foundation and would like help with specific areas they consider weaknesses.

“Will our therapist tell us who is right and who is wrong?”

Your couples therapist is there to help you build a better relationship, not pick sides, and determine who is right or wrong. The therapist views the relationship as the client and makes their decisions based on what they think is best for the relationship. Working with a therapist who takes sides and shows favoritism is often a sign that you are working with an inexperienced or unethical therapist.

“Will couples counseling actually provide real answers and tools or will we just talk about our feelings?”

Effective couples counseling absolutely provides answers and practical tools to clients. While talking about feelings is often a part of the process, it is limited and will not by itself lead to positive outcomes. 

Resources

Relationship Articles from Douglas Counseling:

• 5 Key Questions for Your Relationship
• The 3 Phases of Relationships
• Sex: Spontaneous or Scheduled